Sunday, November 1, 2009

A Cheapskate Halloween

In these parlous economic times (isn't parlous a great word?) (Parlous parlous parlous).

Where was I?

Ah yes - in these parlous times, it helps to conserve one's resources wherever possible. Being a cheapskate helps.

Here is my Several Point Plan for Halloween:

  • Malls usually have candy to give away during business hours. Have children dress in costume then run around collecting enormous bags full of sugar crud.
  • Have children nap on the way home from the mall.
  • Use forklift to unload bags of candy from van into the house. Sort immediately into 'Good Stuff' and 'Giveaway Stuff'
  • After several hours of diligent sorting, go out to van and retrieve sleeping (or panicking, locked in the car) children.
  • Refit costumes after consuming a quick and easy dinner of candy and licorice, then hurry your production workers (sorry - children) out the door to go around your neighbourhood collecting more goods.
  • Pour mall candy into bowl by front door and proceed to recycle the stuff into the gaping bags of beggars appearing at your door for the next several hours.
  • Trust me - your children will not notice that a great deal of their mall candy has disappeared. They still have the 'Good Stuff' anyway so who cares?
  • Tuck exhausted production workers (oops again - I mean kids) into bed with visions of gumballs and chocolate covered raisins dancing in their sleep addled, candy encrusted brains.
I ask you - who needs WalMart?

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