A Cheapskate Halloween

In these parlous economic times (isn't parlous a great word?) (Parlous parlous parlous).

Where was I?

Ah yes - in these parlous times, it helps to conserve one's resources wherever possible. Being a cheapskate helps.

Here is my Several Point Plan for Halloween:

• Malls usually have candy to give away during business hours. Have children dress in costume then run around collecting enormous bags full of sugar crud.
• Have children nap on the way home from the mall.
  
• Use forklift to unload bags of candy from van into the house. Sort immediately into 'Good Stuff' and 'Giveaway Stuff'
• After several hours of diligent sorting, go out to van and retrieve sleeping (or panicking, locked in the car) children.
• Refit costumes after consuming a quick and easy dinner of candy and licorice, then hurry your production workers (sorry - children) out the door to go around your neighbourhood collecting more goods.
• Pour mall candy into bowl by front door and proceed to recycle the stuff into the gaping bags of beggars appearing at your door for the next several hours.
• Trust me - your children will not notice that a great deal of their mall candy has disappeared. They still have the 'Good Stuff' anyway so who cares?
• Tuck exhausted production workers (oops again - I mean kids) into bed with visions of gumballs and chocolate covered raisins dancing in their sleep addled, candy encrusted brains.

I ask you - who needs WalMart?

Costco Run

I just enjoyed a delicious, 28 course meal at Costco and, like a snake that has just consumed a small deer, I may not have to eat again for a few days.

While adding to my small paper dish collection, I also picked up some more Halloween candy, which I'm hoping will last until, well, Halloween.

If not, it's lights out on the 31st and neighbourhood kids can darn well go find candy at some place down the street. Us whales will be laying about, moaning, quietly watching a movie in the dark.