Sunday, June 7, 2009

A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in the land of Weeds, a great Queen decided to have a Ball.

A Root Ball, wherein all the Handsome Princes in the land were invited to move the Great Tree from one location to another.

The only Handsome Prince to respond to the call happened to be one who lived right there in the castle!

At first the Handsome Prince did not want to participate in the Great Event, because he was hard at work with his three Evil Companions as they sweated and laboured, emptying the castle kitchen of chilled bottles of brown liquid.

How he toiled for his Evil Companions! “Fetch me another one!” they cried. “Got any chips?” they would bellow.

All day long he would toil for them between matches and during stoppages in play.

Then, when it came time for the Great Root Ball, they disappeared to the four winds, leaving our Handsome Prince all alone! How cruel these companions were!

They left our Prince without food, or drink, or proper clothing to wear to the ball.

Suddenly, his Manly Sportscaster appeared on the screen. “Of course you can go to the ball!” he said. “You have shorts upstairs in your drawer! And old shirts, and socks, and undies, and a pair of clippers you can put in the pouch on your hip!”

And so it came to pass that our Handsome Prince went to move the Root Ball.

It was a joyous affair, with hardly any swearing.

Our Hero dug and dug, all around the Great Big Magic Tree/Shrub Thingy, until the Great Root Ball came loose. And it was transferred to the new Great Hole that had been sunk into the Earth, which our Handsome Prince had also dug up all by himself instead of with the help of his Evil Companions.

And there was much rejoicing upon the land.

The Handsome Prince sprinkled Magic Bone Meal Dust into the hole and replaced the Earth and watered and watered.

Then it was time to leave the Great Root Ball or he would be late for the Great Championship inside the castle! He dashed off before the grateful Queen could discover who had performed for her this great service.

As she was admiring the work of our hero, she came upon some clippers.

“These must belong to my hero!” she wisely surmised. “I shall set out to find my Knight in Sweating Clothing and declare my love for him!” And so she departed the land and went into the castle.

She could not find the matching pouch for the clippers anywhere!

She searched and searched, until she happened upon our Handsome Prince, asleep in the dungeon where the Large Screen was, an empty pouch by his side.

She slid the clippers into the pouch – and they fit!

“This is my hero!” she said quietly to herself.

And she planted a kiss upon our sleeping Prince, and he did awaken suddenly, and he did smile wearily and did belch mightily upon the land.

And our beautiful Princess knew that all was right with the world once more.

The End.

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