Thursday, January 29, 2009

Phone Trouble

A guy friend whom I haven’t heard from in about 10 years called me out of the blue the other day. We had a great gab and got all caught up on what is going on in our lives and then we hung up after about an hour. It was great to hear from him.

“Who was that?” my wife asked. I should have suspected something right then. Guys never know when they are on dangerous ground until it’s too late.

“It was Steve. Remember when he moved to Toronto and then disappeared off the face of the earth? Well he’s living in Vancouver now.”

“Oh yeah? How’s Michelle?” Michelle is my friend’s wife.


“I don’t know”.

“You were on the phone with him for an hour and you didn’t ask about his WIFE?”

“Well – no. I didn’t know I was supposed to.”

“What did you talk about?”

“Oh, his job and he’s got a cool sounding workshop at his new house. And a truck. It’s a way cool truck. And he went to Mexico on business a while ago. And…you know…stuff.”

“What about his kids?”

“He has kids?”

Uh oh. I could feel my feet starting to slide on the slippery slope I had just created.

“Michelle was pregnant with twins the last time we saw them! What happened?”

“Ahem, yes, I think I heard kids in the background.” I said confidently

“Did she have Boys? Girls? One of each? Lizards? Mutant alien offspring?”

“Er – it sounded like girls.”

“Men!! Why can’t you ask about important things like how her delivery went and is her mother still alive and what happened to that drunkard brother of hers and did she start that business she was looking at? What’s their address?”

“Um, I don’t know. It was a phone call not a change of address notice! I’ll call him sometime and find out.”

“That means you’ll get around to calling in two years or so.”

“Well, we don’t have much more to talk about now that we’re caught up.”

“Not much to…GAH!! MEN!! You are supposed to find out about their lives and wives and children and family and IMPORTANT THINGS!! Not trucks!”

“You’re saying trucks are not important in a man’s life? I beg to differ.”

“OK then smarty pants – tell me about his truck.”

I swear in the heat of the moment I did not see the trap coming. Walked right into it.

“Oh it’s a Dodge with a turbo diesel” I said, warming to my topic, “with four by four and stacks for exhaust and it’s got that really neat turbine-sounding whine from the engine,” I said. “And he can haul a 35 foot trailer without it even breaking a sweat cuz he has the heavy duty transmission package too.”

“Honey – what date is our anniversary?” she asked innocently.





“Did I tell you his truck has those big gnarly tires on it?”


I am not going to transcribe the remainder of the conversation. Suffice it to say it wasn’t pretty, and I let my tribe down a little. Sorry guys.

So the next time you phone, please remember to tell me the important stuff so I can tell my wonderful wife.

What is the important stuff I am supposed to ask?

No really – what is it? I can’t remember.

Uh oh.

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