The Start of a Column...

This is a little embarrassing to admit so bear with me.

My wife walked in on me the other day when I was giving myself pleasure. 

I happened to be lying on the bed, moaning and gasping, rubbing away, when in she walked.  She didn’t really take much notice, other than to say “Doesn’t that feel good?  It’s like you can’t stop once you start.  I might join you.” Oh yeah, baby.  Step over here and peel off those glasses…

Rubbing your eyes is like that.  (What did you think I was talking about, hmmm?)

What is it about burying your knuckles in your eyeballs that does that? Do you think it will make me go blind or anything?


One unfortunate side effect of a lifetime of eye rubbing seems to be my drooping eyelids.  The skin over my eyes seems to have stretched over time, and it makes each eye now look like a vagina.  I'll not horrify you with a photo just now.

*Columnist now puts chin on hand, drifts off, staring into space, trying to think of 500 more words to say about eye rubbing and wrinkly skin, without further mention of female genitalia.  I may be awhile... 

An Eyerub To Remember

It was one of those eye rubs that really feel great and one that I simply didn’t want to end.

You know those ones where you start to rub your eyeballs and you wind up gasping and moaning and just really getting into it? Man it was awesome. My eyes tingled afterwards like you wouldn’t believe. I exhaled loudly out of sheer enjoyment.

The other people at the City Council meeting did not enjoy it quite so much. Based on the looks I got anyway.