Step 1 - Pull room-sized load of clean towels from
dryer and pile on top of counter. DO NOT FOLD.
Step 2 -Slowly (one towel per day) have children pilfer
clean towels from pile and add used towels to separate used pile, knowing you will
remember which pile is which because you are a grown-up who is paid to remember
such things and also because you have clearly instructed offspring on
methodology. Continue to not fold towels.
Step 3 - Add several more slightly used towels to
slightly used pile.
Step 4 - Continue clean towel pilferage. While pilfing from clean pile,
discover crusty facecloth molded into shape of bathtub spigot.
Step 5 - Observe how formerly separate piles have now developed gravity and
morphed into single enormous, slightly damp, steaming pile.
Step 6 - While taking normal avalanche precautions, dig down through Cretaceous
layer (used) to (supposedly) clean layer and discover towels which smell of
shampoo and other mystery ingredients.
Step 7 - Test all items in pile by high-tech method of sniffing. If tests are
inconclusive, proceed to step 8
Step 8 - Using explosives and heavy machinery as necessary, load blended pile
into washing machine and wash thoroughly.
The columns here (generally the longer posts) have appeared in the Kelowna Daily Courier, Penticton Herald, Medicine Hat News and other newspapers. My column is called Something Like That, and has won America's Funniest Humor Writing contest four times (I think the judges were drinking).
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