Sunday, May 13, 2012


I’m not that old, but my short term memory is starting to go on me.

Also, my short term memory is starting to go on me.

Even active counter-measures do not seem to help. There I’ll be, brushing my teeth with an electric toothbrush, when I notice it needs to be charged. So I get the charger thing out of the drawer, plug it in, and make a mental note to place the toothbrush upon it when I am finished.

Ablution complete, I rinse the toothbrush then place it gently in the drawer, about two feet from the empty charging device which I have, in the span of three seconds, completely forgotten about.

What was I writing about just now? I seem to have lost my train of thought.

Anyway, the economic system is filled with idiots, as I was saying, and MEMORY! I was talking about my failing memory.  Right.

There is also a problem with the auto-pilot in my cranial innards. I’ll be driving the kids to some activity or other (Tae Kwon Kicking The Crap Out Of Each Other, say) but, since we are taking the same route we use to go shopping, we’ll wind up at the mall, activity-less, with puzzled looks on our faces.

The kids have learned to not focus on their electronic supercomputers while I am driving them anywhere.

Now, as we approach the turnoff for an activity, which I have completely forgotten about since we are on the same route as we take to the grocery store, they loudly announce “Dad! Autopilot!” so I remember to turn. By reminding me to turn (and not ‘waking me up’ as has been alleged), I snap back to reality and we safely reach our destination.

We were heading out the other day, in fact, when I had an actual lucid moment. I had remembered the grocery list, the dry cleaning, and the actual children this time, as we departed for some activity, the name of which I forget. Whatever.

Opening the van, I dumped everything inside and took off.  Then I backed up, let the kids in, and departed again. For some reason I had a toothbrush charger in my hand so I tossed it in the back seat. Off we went.

I can’t remember what happened, but I do remember forgetting the kitty litter, which was on the grocery list I left in the van when I went into the grocery store. I remembered the bananas and milk, but kitty litter was item three on the list and my mental list capacity is two (on a good day). So I failed miserably, although I did get some dish soap since I knew I was supposed to get something down that aisle and dish soap seemed to make sense at the time.

And by the way, while I think of it, I believe it is high time the inventor of clumping kitty litter receives the Nobel Prize for chemistry, if they have not already done so. Do you think these insightful thoughts are part of my distraction problem? Call me for coffee so we can discuss this. I’ll check my calendar when I get home. Home. Why am I in this van?

“Dad! Auto pilot!”

Ah! Shopping complete we head home, the kids happily playing amongst the dirty clothes I didn’t drop off, and me alertly snoring through red lights as we sail safely along.

I have a column due soon but I forget what I was going to write about.

I think I’ll go brush my teeth.


Leeuna said...

Hahaha, you sound like my husband. Whenever he leaves the house he always comes back twice to get the things he fogot.

Phil said...

I loved the opening lines of this post. I knew you would do something like that, but it still made me laugh.