Monday, May 2, 2011

For Rent: Lovely, Private, Secure Compound in Abbottabad

This lovely city is the home of warm weather, beautiful mountain scenery, and private, secure compounds.

Our resort features the ultimate in luxury and discretion - guaranteed.  This premier getaway - no internet, no telephone, and very little heat signature visible from satellites or drones - is perfect for relaxing and leaving all your troubles behind!  You'll want to declare a fatwa against work! 

This is the perfect place for retreats of all kinds.  Whether you're a busy business leader or the harried head of a ragtag bunch of homicidal maniacs bent on world domination, our staff will attend to your every need.  Whether its cleaning your automatic weapon or arranging those special goat visits, we take care of our guests in every way.

We know you depend on security.  We've made a name as one of the most remote and secure compounds in the world.  You won't hear helicopters approaching or dogs barking or the click of metal implements around here - our reputation demands it, and so do you.  Whether its our high tech tin cans with rocks alarm system or crack security guards, you can be certain no one will ever find you here. 

Remember our motto: Rest Assured. 

Damage deposit required.  Some stains on carpet and upholstery from previous tenant who vacated on very short notice. Includes helicopter landing pad(s).  Enormous piles of brass shell casings included at no charge.  We regret that our dependable, discreet courier service is no longer available.

No comments: