How to Kill Plants - Lesson 1 in a Series

First, uncoil your water hose (first time this spring - great excitement) and water everything in sight.

Next, leave the uncoiled, water-filled hose out overnight and next day allow the warm suns rays to heat the water therein to almost boiling temperature.

Then - spray your shrubs with the boiling hot water, not realizing that the water has reached the scalding point.

Now!  Watch the new leaves and shoots shrivel up and shreak at the top of their little planty voices "Nooooo!" as they recoil in horror at the assault on their teeny little selves. 

When wife notices withered plants, comment sagely "Huh - frost must have got them this year..." and wander off so she cannot see the guilty look on your face.

End of lesson 1.  Begin lesson 2 shortly I'm sure.