Tuesday, November 23, 2010


A crowd had gathered…
The screen goes all wavy and blurry as we travel back in time…
“What is it?”
“I don’t know – I’ve never seen one before.”
“Neither have I.  Funny green colour, isn’t it?”
“Sure is.  I’ve never heard of them appearing here.  I wonder if I should touch it?”
“No!  It might disappear!  Just stand back and watch, see what it does.”
“I heard someone say they saw one a few summers ago.” 
“I’m taking pictures with my cell phone.  Hold something up for scale.”
“I can’t believe it.  To think that I’m seeing this with my own eyes…I think I’m going to cry.  I want to tell my grand kids about this…”
We were standing around the arrivals screen at the airport, staring in wonder at an announcement that said, as amazing as it sounds, “Early.” 
We were in awe.
“Usually you only see ‘Cancelled’ or ‘Delayed’ ones.  I’ve seen some ‘Arrived’ ones too.  But never this.  What do we do?”
“Dunno.  I work here so I’ll check the Operations Manual, but I’m pretty sure there is nothing in it about this happening.”
“Maybe the baggage guys will know what to do.”
“I just checked with them.  They’re playing football with the fragile stuff.  How about the ticket agents – can they help?”
“I doubt it.  I told them a flight was early and four of them fainted.  Maybe the Fire Department knows what to do.”
“Nah – they’re on break, watching the full body scanner videos with the security guys.  I think we’re on our own.  I’m so scared…”
“This is eerie.  I remember something like this happening on an X-Files episode once.  I think it had something to do with time travel.  Or aliens, maybe.  Or maybe it was just David Duchovny wanting to get into whatsername’s pants.  I can’t remember.  But it was at an airport, anyway.”
“Well that was helpful.  Now listen, people.  We all know airlines say their flights have arrived as soon as they’re within 500 miles of the airport.  This may be a conspiracy of some sort, something to make us think they are doing something about on-time service…”
“Maybe solar radiation caused the plane’s DNA to mutate…into something horrible!  Who knows what we’ll find on that aircraft.  I feel a bad movie script coming on…”
“What a bunch of sissies!  Can’t you just accept there might have been a tail-wind and they showed up early?”
“Dude – it’s the holiday travel season, and its winter.  If arriving early were even remotely possible, the airlines would have a surcharge for it.  Don’t be an idiot.”
“Shush!  Here’s a PA announcement…”
“Your Attention Please.  Listen to the sound of my voice.  You are getting very sleepy.  You will not remember any of this when you wake up.  An airline flight has not arrived early.  There is no reason for alarm.  Your eye lids are very heavy now.  You will remain calm.  You will have a drink of water from any of the convenient water fountains at the airport, and the water will not taste funny...”
“There are no mysterious green blobs aboard the not-early aircraft.  You will not remember coming to the airport.    You will gladly pay the ticket on your vehicle windshield and will not write to the mayor.  You will not remember any of this.  I will now mutter something unintelligible and you will be wide awake and refreshed.  Thank you.”

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