Canadian Navy News

The Canadian Navy has outfitted its fleet of submarines with a new weapon system, since the torpedoes they bought do not fit into their torpedo tubes..

The new system combines a Threat Warning component, as well as Interdiction Technology, hence its acronym TWIT.

The TWIT Mark II system consists primarily of a beaver tail mounted to the top of the periscope, which in turn is attached to an actuator inside the control room. 

When a threat is detected, the beaver tail is rapidly deployed, resulting in a loud SLAP on the surface of the water, thus scaring away any predators, while also warning the rest of the fleet to the danger.

“This is a Canadian-designed and Canadian-built system” said the Navy spokesman.  “Once again, Canadian ingenuity and Canadian technology has won out.”

The system has a range of about 100 meters.  Within that range, any predators are startled, such that they scurry away from the submarine and any other nearby vessels. 

Outside of 100 meters, the audible sound of the tail slapping is alerts nearby allies to any threat posed by enemies.  It is not known how effective the system is against modern mines or torpedoes, but the system is certainly better than the original Beaver Tail Mark I  system, which utilized the delicious deep fried pastry type of beaver tale, rather than the actual bum leather of the Canadian Beaver.

“The old systems got all soggy,” reported the spokesman.  “They didn’t work well, and didn’t taste too good either” he reports.

We are waiting for reaction from our U.S. Navy counterparts.  However, they are on record as being in favour of any type of military expenditure, particularly that of Canada, since it is so rare.