Dear Deity

I’m not usually one to complain, and don’t get me wrong about any of this, but I’ve gotta tell you – I’m getting a little tired of waiting for this lottery thing.

I mean, is it really too much to ask of anyone, let alone yourself, to just check out my ticket, and THEN go to the lottery place and manipulate the balls a little? That didn’t sound quite right, but you know what I mean…?

Now, you know I’d make a good winner. I’ve told you many times. I feel rich with a twenty in my pocket and a new pair of pants, so I’m not going to go nuts with the Ferraris or anything.

I might get about 50 old pick up trucks, but not a Ferrari. They didn’t make a pickup anyway as far as I know. I would build my workshop too of course. A man must have tools, as I’m sure you’re fond of saying (carpenter and all). And a 200 inch plasma television is considered a tool in many circles, so get over that.

My wife and I would certainly be appreciative of your attention in this matter. Really. We’d help the poor, make sensible insurance choices, take vacations that weren’t too flashy or anything. That first year might be a little dicey for that statement actually. One vacation per week might pile up in a bit of a hurry. Forget I said that.

We wouldn’t flash piles of cash in nightclubs or anything though. Heck – we’re parents so we hardly drink or go out anyway. I’ll have a beer when I’m cooking on the BBQ but that’s about it. Even then I’m hung over the next day. You should see how the meat turns out too. It could be used as evidence on CSI sometimes. And that’s what I’m talking about. We wouldn’t embarrass you like those Hollywood people do all the time. We’d make great winners.

We could use some exercise, I know, but having the leisure time to get some (hint hint) would be appreciated. I’d love to get back on the mountain bike and go commune with nature, primarily by leaving scrapefuls of flesh deposited upon the rocks thereon, but no matter. You get my point. I’ll take care of the waistline and eat balanced meals. Promise.

Understand, too, that I’m not addicted to this whole lottery thing. I don’t spend my whole paycheque on tickets – I can do math. I know the odds of winning, which is partly why I’m talking here. Still – you know the odds too.

We could use a hand (a ‘Major Prize’ number of hands actually), and you’ve been a little shy in the miracle department lately so maybe we can help each other.

5 million would be about right. That would get us back up to broke I figure, and it would be about the break even point in lifetime lottery ticket purchasing. I know – it adds up doesn’t it? A few dollars each week sure goes quickly.

What’s that? Those same dollars, saved and invested, would equal $5 million by now?

You know – it’s that kind of snarky remark that makes attendance at your services drop each year. That was not called for.

Besides – those same dollars could have been dropped in your collection plate buster, so don’t even go there.

Anyway – see what you can do. We’d really appreciate it as I think I’ve mentioned several times now. And if you can drop a hint as to what draw you’re working on, I’d be even more thankful. You know my numbers.

Gotta run. It’s Sunday morning and I have some yard work to do.

Oops.