Inaug Slog

“OK Camera 1. Stay on the stand there for the ceremony.”

“Got it.”

“Camera 2, I want you to zoom in on the important stuff like who made his suit.”

“Got it boss.”

“Camera 3 you awake? Camera 3? Camera 4 can you see Camera 3?”

“Yeah he’s asleep. He’s been here 3 days now.”

“Cut the chatter Camera 4. This is important news we've been covering for the past 6 days – the public has a right to know”

“I hear camera 7 gets to check out Mrs. Obama’s dress label.”

“That is correct. Rumor has it she has Hermes – we have to confirm it.”

“Camera 12 - are you getting the shot of the main attraction coming out of the limo?”

“Roger that. Brad and Angelina will be here any minute.”

“No you idiot – the President!”

“Oh – no, I can’t see from here.”

“Camera 20 what’s all the commotion down there?”

“It’s Hillary! She just got out of her limo”

“What’s she doing here?”

“She’s going to sing or something”

“Hillary Clinton is going to SING?”

“Hillary Duff you idiot! You know – a real celebrity? You think they’d let just anyone in here today?”

“Yeah, yeah. Everyone just settle down out there. I know you’re tired after covering all the foofaraw leading up to this day, but this is The Network, The Show, the Big Leagues folks, we have to be prepared for anything. So keep your eyes peeled for “A” listers, designer labels, celebrities who may attend with someone other than their spouse, and so forth. Stay sharp!”

“Who’s doing the closeup on The President when he’s making his speech?”

“Camera 9 has that. Camera 9 - you got a clear view?”

“More or less. I think I can get somebody famous in the background too if I move a little.”

“OK I’m getting your shot now Camera 9. Looks good. Who’s that in the background? Is that Sarah Palin?”

“No I think that’s Lily Tomlin. Tom Arnold maybe. Can’t tell from here. Let me zoom in a little.”

“Oh heck, it’s just Arnold Schwarzenegger. Move around some more.”

“OK camera people – someone is speaking. I think the speech is next.”

“Somebody’s singing.”

“Who is it? Is it somebody famous?”

“I don’t recognize her.”

“Keep panning the crowd then. We need more celebrities, people! Audio – what are you doing? Can you pick up what that guy and the President are talking about?”

“Somebody said they were swearing – I ‘ll see if I can pick it up. That would be juicy, wouldn’t it? Oh – now the President is holding his hand up. It’s going to block the sound. Better pan somewhere else.”

“Thanks audio. All cameras! Pan the crowd again – we've got to get more recognizable people on this feed. This is the network remember”

“Hey, someone just texted me that more people are logged in to the webcast of this than are watching on TV. That's kinda cool.”

“Whoever said that – you’re fired.”

“That was the head of network programming you idiot. You can’t fire her.”

“Wait! Cue the pundits and talking heads! Somebody just said something! Analysis from the studio in 3,2,1!”

“Camera 6, when these guys are analyzing those dresses, can you zoom in on that guy talking to the crowd? We may need something for later.”

“He’s just blathering on about hope and change and all that. Nothing important. How about that dress on that hottie over there though?”

“Ooooh, good eye Camera 6. Get the cleavage shot for the morning edition fashion guy. That’s brilliant! Great work!”

“Hey everyone’s leaving!”

“That’s a wrap everyone. Great work! Awesome! And you thought you wouldn’t have any use for your journalism degrees…”

Fade to black.