Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't #14

About the Chicago Blackhawks...

I’d like to Frolik in your Klinkhammer

Johnson is known for his size

It hurts when I Pisani

You’re as big as a Hossa

Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't #13

Relating to Spring Cleaning:

• Work from the top down, inside to outside
• Rinse those hard to reach places with vinegar and water
• Use a Swiffer on your hardwood
• Wipe your squeegee after each stroke

Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't #12

When Preparing Your Boat for the Coming Season:

-        Make sure your head is clean and operating normally
-        Check for leaks on your dinghy
-        Scrub your topsides with a mild detergent
-        Lubricate your shaft and make sure it isn’t bent

Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't #11

Pertaining to Gardening...

·       You’ve got to get down on your knees and get dirty

·       Put it in the hole and watch it grow!

·       Trim your shrubs for faster growth

·       Some animal has nibbled on my bulbs

Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't #10

At The Masters Golf Tournament...

"Oh dear, he lipped out"

"Challenging hole placement this morning"

"He's young but he collapsed after 9 holes!"

Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't #9

Pertaining to Recreational Vehicles

- Hooking up always means a good time

- You pull it.

- This model has a slide in/slide out feature

- For safety, this one has a rear-facing camera

- This one kneels for easy entry

Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't #8

At The Carwash

• "In winter I never use soap - I just rinse it off"
• "Just twist the knob to get started"
• "Aim the nozzle straight into any cracks for best results"
• Caution: liquid under pressure can cause serious injury
• "Work your way from the top down"
• Use paper towels to wipe off afterwards
• Try to avoid getting sprayed in the eyes
• "You've got to bend over to really clean those lugnuts"

Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't #7

Heard at City Council Meetings:

“I got sworn in last night”

“I could use a seconder”

“The neighbours are getting tired of our public hearings”

“That was a pretty satisfying scrum this morning”

“Let’s put that motion on the table”

Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't #6

I write these bits for a local radio station (K96.3), in case you were wondering where the idea originated...

On with the show!  Today -

Things Overheard at the Canadian Culinary Championships, held right here in Kelowna!

"Rub it with garlic"


"I've never done this in front of judges before"

"If there is already something in the oven, where do I put my pork?"

"Tastes a little salty"

Things that Sound Dirty but Aren't #5

Overheard at the Vancouver Boat Show:

• "She's got a cozy galley"
• "That's a big mast you've got there"
• "She's got impressive topsides and a V bottom"
• "It's a lot smoother ride if you take down her jib"

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't #4

Pertaining to Water Bottles:

- To get things going you need to pull on the nipple

- Sucking works as well as squeezing

- Some of them are so big you need to use both hands

- Some are made from silicone

- They bounce around when you run

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't #3

Overheard in the Workshop

"I'm looking for a screw on the floor"

"Hit reverse and back it out slowly"

"Tighten those nuts!"

"Hold it in place with your fingers then hammer it home"

"I hit it so hard it bent!"

"That's not white glue!"

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't #2

    
Pertaining to the Insertion of Contact Lenses:

• There should be no pain associated with a proper insertion
• Excess fluid can be wiped up with a tissue
• Do not insert anything that appears torn or damaged
• Leaving one in for more than 12 hours can cause dryness and discomfort
• Video recording yourself during insertion can be awkward using one hand, but is healthy and normal
• A great place to do it is in front of a mirror in the bathroom
• Holding the eyelids open during the act is not a sign of boredom

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

This weeks subject:

Christmas Trees

• Big needles usually indicate a large stem
• Pruning around the base makes it look bigger
• Don't get over-excited if it's your first time flocking
• You can smell the bushy ones through the whole house!