Okanagan Prison Announced

Details are beginning to emerge about the new prison, announced yesterday in Oliver - the Wine Capital of Canada:

Cellmates to be called 'Pairings'
Prison choir to be called The Aromatics
The term 'crush' now refers to parole hearings
Newest Okanagan grape varietal: 'Penal Noir'
Ideal wine aging now minimum 25 years to life
Prison winery vintages to include 'Shiv,', 'Shank,' and 'Isolation'
Contraband to be smuggled in with cork and bottle shipments
Local Denny's renames breakfast 'Grand Slammer'
Vineyard workers already lining up for admission due to better working conditions