Nutella and Other Roof Patch Compounds

My kids are in love with Nutella, which is kind of like peanut butter but does not cause the allergic kids at school to turn blue and break out in leprosy boils or whatever. For that reason alone I also enjoy this product.

Unbeknownst to the kids, I have been using Nutella around the house for years. Effective as a tile adhesive, it can also be employed as roof patch or axle grease. We're talking viscous here.

Care must be taken when applying the material to fresh bread, however. It is very easy to tear the bread (thus labeling you an uncaring and inconsiderate parent) so spread large globs of the stuff around from the centre and you should be fine.

Given the Nutella consistency, I'm surprise it hasn't removed any of my kids teeth, given its adhesive properties.

One of the better methods for removing teeth was Mackintosh toffee at Saturday matinee's. Eaten fresh it was great - the sheet of the stuff would be covered with bite marks, perfect dental impressions, and the odd incisor, when offered by a chum. We would gnaw away at a chunk in much the same way native peoples used to chew animal pelts to tenderize their outer garments.

Even better would be discovering your toffee in a back pocket many days later, the goo in the squished tartan box would be perfectly curved into the same shape as the warm buttock that squished it. This tenderizing process was much enhanced by the layer of pocket lint which clung to the surface of the confection, adding to its viscosity and texture.

I have no idea if this candy is still available. I suspect the market for it has dried up since the Army began using the sheets as body and vehicle armour.